Affable or brittle coating or threatening, allusive. Whatever you kink is often evil intentions. No way to let you do! How to decode and counter maneuvers? Viewpoints of Alex Mucchielli, founder of Enov Training and Jean-Louis Muller, Director Cegos.

“The manipulator is hidden. He was evasive, talking in a roundabout way, quenches his requests for off-topic comments. He uses twisted about. He plays on the unspoken, implicit, to suggest. In short, he presses of the psychological work. In general, faced with such a character, you say: “but what is he up to? “To stop it, we must step back and put those spring days. Six Lessons on processes.

1. It barker: It is the king of bluff and bad faith! “No, I have never claimed that.” Or “Where do you seek this?”. And it puts you at odds against a subordinate or client.
Other cases, it embellishes his proposal to the extreme, suggests profits in gold. “This is exciting mission to Romania. You’ll see, the factory is brand new, employees are at the top, the hotel is great! For the means, we will see later.” It is not clear. It clouds the issue with catchy superlatives and generalities to sell you a difficult job.

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2. It flatters and label: “There is only you who is able to disentangle this issue with the supplier. In addition you’re already in the shot brilliantly again. And us, the others are not height “. You caress your head in the direction of hair to tell you a thankless task that is not your responsibility. It tickles your pride, your pride. And use the process called “labeling” very powerful in that it emphasizes a trait or values ​​of an individual to influence his behavior. The labeling can be positive: “perfectionist as you are, you’ll be able to refine this presentation.” Or negative: “Ah, but it’s not you, it work there? Must start all over!”

3. It creates complicity: “It has struggled to win this contract there. Do you remember How it was already called the big mouth! Hey, you could not replace me on this visit customer ? I have an emergency “. And presto, you’re hooked. Your peer plays on the emotions. He discovers in common with you on a shared experience at moments, positive emotions here. This principle of synchronization with the other works. It reinforces the closeness and breaks down defenses. Distrust.

4. He tries to blame: “You can not refuse it to an old colleague”. Or “After all I’ve done for you, you owe me that!” Certainly, Olivier has recommended you to enter society, but from there to remind you whenever you pray to rotate the standby hours or leave him a priority for his vacation. He plays on the principle of reciprocity, which is to “return the favor.” An effective technique, because nobody wants to go to an ingrate. But it grants its initial boost undue importance. Second case, the leader who exhumes a past failure. “Remember your mistake last summer. Now, we do like this.”. You infantilizes.

5. He veiled threat: “Some people said” no “to their peril.” “I know people who do are never recovered.” “I have long arms”. Understood: those are not increased, are placardises, demoted or worse. When a higher office or a neighbor, you you launches of such perfidy is to stir your deep fears. Fears of giving a poor self image, not to be loved, not to be recognized. While the instinct for survival pushes to sell.

6. It demeans and humiliates: “Frankly, I’m disappointed. I had built great hopes in you. This is the same for me.” Include: the promotion you will pass under the nose. Your boss may even insinuate by convoluted sentences that you are stupid. “Do not you think that there was a smarter way to convince our visitors?”. Miles one way among others to drive the speaker in a victim role. The worst is public humiliation, meeting in front of witnesses or the self.